Healthy Relationship

A relation is healthy only when the people in the relationship are given space to grow. If you try to pull it, it will break all the ties and go away just like a kite. Each person in a relationship is equally important. So, for the relationship to sustain, there should be mutual respect, love & open communication. There is a proverb in Malayalam which means “No smell for the jasmine in the front yard”. We do not accept or respect what we have. Instead, we keep yearning to get those things from outside. Everyone needs acceptance for whatever they do or not do irrespective of their age & relation. If you want to be respected, learn to respect others. You will be respected automatically. Instead, of pointing out errors of a person all the time, try to appreciate the good things he/she does. When you point your finger at a person in front of you, remember rest four fingers are pointing towards you. So, before you criticize others, it would be good if you check on yourself first. And moreover, respect is not a thing which can be gained by force. It should come from others heart. If you want to be respected change your deeds, attitude & mind your language. If you are a brother, behave like one. If not, you won’t be respected or even recognized as a brother. Never try to be authoritative. Similar is the case with each & every relation including friendship. Respect & love are the things which cannot be snatched or earned with force. It has to be earned through your deeds.  

In India, people try to impose the relationship & the relationship rules. That's the reason why, today we find many breakups of a family. Relationships are not to be imposed; they are to be felt free. Even a 4year kid needs his own space, time & privacy. That's the main reason why we don't find joint families anymore. If time, space & privacy is given to each individual of a family, there would still be joint family and there is no other blessing than being in a joint family. It is said that, we should keep our minds & heart open to changes & learning even as we grow. When learning stops, the growth of the man stops there. Grandparents expect grandchildren to spend time with earlier. Grandparents treat grandchildren as kids and behaves so. They just keep thinking of relative age, forget about their respective age. So, for grandchildren it feels like being in a forced relationship. They feel suffocated and try to slip away. That's how a relationship ends. As elders of family, if you need respect and time you are not supposed to only dictate rules. You should be willing to explain why and how the rule is and thus convince entire family. Not only that, those rules are to be amended with the time.   

 

  

Womanhood

 

I recently read somewhere that woman is the enemy of another woman. Situations & circumstances sometimes prove it to be true. A woman is good when she is a little girl. She is perfect when she is a young girl. She is perfect when she is a woman. She behaves responsibly as a daughter, wife, sister, mother and as well as in different roles in her career too. But the moment she becomes a mother-in-law all this is changed. I don’t understand what is the power behind that. I have come across various articles in so many years & also lives of woman around also says that its true. A mother-in-law is a woman we have not seen so far as when she was a child or not seen when she was growing up in her career as well. Once a woman become a mother-in-law, she automatically becomes a critic, a lawyer, a pessimistic person and what not. Let me take an example. I knew a woman who was responsible as a wife & a mother. I can’t comment on how she was as a daughter/daughter-in-law as she is very older to me. Being a teacher, she has been a very good guide to many students as well. Many of my friends/relatives are her students. But once she became a mother-in-law, everything seems to her as a race. A race to win over her son’s heart before his wife does. Focusing too much on that idea, she only finds fault in her daughter-in-law. There was a time when she used to advise her own sister to behave nice to sister’s daughter-in-law’s. So, it amuses me the way she behaves to her own daughter-in-law. If we look around, we can find many such examples. 

We have a lot many daily soaps on televisions in various languages. Most of them focus on the ongoing drama between mother-in-law & a daughter-in-law or between two sisters-in-law. I agree that the negative character in those are projected a lot to increase the TRP’s. But we do come across similar woman in our daily lives. These daily soaps are in other way showing things happening around us, but with more drama & masala. But to the core, they are showing the truth.

A man who is a son in law of another house gains respect in his wife’s house. He is welcomed as a special guest. A son as obvious gets treated well in his own house. A daughter is also treated well in her own house. But why a daughter in law is not getting equal respect? In spite of whatever she does, people always criticize her & find faults in her. And after all this you expect her to consider her marital home as her own? Whatever efforts she does is not seen. If at all spoken about it, rest of the world will say as a daughter in law of this house she is expected to do this. What is there to appreciate in? Then you don’t ever have right to criticize either. She too is a human being, not a machine or humanoid to expect zero error. She is reminded of her duties & responsibilities always. But not her rights & capabilities.

Another thing which saddens me is that people always praise for motherhood, her sacrifices and what not. But remember one’s wife is also a woman who acts like a shadow all the time around. A shadow is always there, whether it is seen or not seen. She is also a woman who is torn apart to give birth to your own blood. The sacrifices a woman makes as a wife or a support provided by a wife is always criticized or looked down upon. A man respects the woman who gave birth to him. He respects & showers love upon the woman who is born from you. He even respects, loves & protects the woman born with you. But why not for a woman who is born for you? Is it just because she is not your own blood?

Let me put some light on an another accusation/situation which a woman comes across. Suppose the married son of the family achieves something or does some good thing, the credit goes to his parents, to the nurture they have given, to their prayers and what not. But when the same son, if does some wrong thing, its all because of his wife. So all the nurture, prayers disappeared at that instant?

So, in short what I’m trying to say is, a woman should raise her voice & fight for her rights herself. She doesn’t have to tolerate the injustice at any cost. She should be bold enough to take her own decisions. She might find person supporting her or some might even turn against her. She might find her alone when she starts to fight for herself. But that shouldn’t stop her from raising her voice or acting against them whomsoever it be. She should complete her education at any cost so that she can survive anywhere independently. That’s the reason why I wrote in one of my previous blogs that health, self-respect & education are true treasures of a woman which she has to safeguard at any cost.