The Grey Matter

 

A couple of days back, I had to go out for dinner with my extended family. Few of them happened to visit a relative or family friend of theirs whom I might have just met once or just know by their name. A member of that family got his leg amputated and his son & daughter in law are staying far from him. The topic of discussion was the daughter in law. She was held responsible for staying away and not looking after her father-in-law. Here I have few questions to raise.

1)     Is only the daughter in law supposed to look after?

2)     Why son is not being blamed here? Just because he is a son or a male or an heir of that family?

3)     Who are we to discuss about others family?

4)    As a "wellwisher" can you make any decision or extend help so that present situation of that family improves?

I just kept listening to this and had no words to utter. But yes, I was irritated because this has been the hot topic for past 2 days. It was being discussed over phone and over the tables throughout the day. I do not know how much truth is behind the story & what made her act so, but would not like to pass any judgement. At least not until I come to know her side of story as well.    

But this triggered back a memory which I had tried to bury somewhere deep in my heart.

I am the eldest child in my family. So, among me & my cousins, I was bit more pampered by my uncles. But when I reached my teenage, all my uncles & my father stopped talking to me directly. If they had to talk to me or leave me any message, they passed it through their respective spouses or through my mother. This may be the reason which brought a shyness in me. They started to talk back after my marriage though. Back at school, I used to talk to boys, but there was no any kinesthetics gestures especially with opposite gender. Even now I cannot hug anybody & everybody however deep the relation is. I can express my love & care through words or by extending help, but not through hugs & touches.

Nowadays I see no gender differences when girls & boys interact with each other. They hug each other, touch each other, and behave normal just like they do with same gender. Even though I am happy to see the change around, I cannot do or practice it myself.

Now coming back to my memory, I could see two people just like in the situation which I started of this blog with - relation between a father-in-law & his daughter in law. I would mention them as Mr.F & Mrs.D respectively. Mr F & Mrs D are closely related to my heart. My feelings for Mr F changed the day I saw him in a situation which I should not have seen, that too during my teenage. This not only changed my feelings for him, but for entire male community. If I cannot forgive him even after few years of his death, how can Mrs D forget & forgive him? It was never consensual; Mr F was trying to force him. And this happened multiple times, because Mrs D remained silent thinking of family reputation, her then 6-year-old son & other blah blah factors. Mrs D’s husband & Mr F’s son was helpless, because the family business in which he was involved was run by Mr D. The people who knew apart from Mrs D & Mr F includes me, my mom & Mrs D’s husband. I have never discussed this with anyone, but I know my mom knows just because I overheard my mom & Mrs D's coversation. I still do not know whether Mrs D told even her own parents and if they know, they are not alive today. This secret will remain buried for ever because of multiple factors. But even if Mrs D chooses to reveal it now, nobody would believe because that was the social status held by Mr F. Even I was in love with that person until the day this happened. It not only changed the feeling for this person alone, but also changed my entire perspective towards relationships & social status.

Keeping the above situation, if Mr F had fallen sick & was left with only son, would you look after Mr F forgetting everything if you were in place of Mrs D? If I were in Mrs D’s shoes, I would never, not even on humanitarian grounds. Yes, may be go for alternatives like arranging for a home nurse or admit him somewhere he would be taken care of. What would you do? Do you think Mrs D did a right thing staying silent? I know Mrs D is being blamed for not looking after her so called father-in-law. But among those who point fingers, how many of them know the bitter truth? She silently takes the blame for that as well apart from the never healing wound she got in the past.

I know another girl who was silenced against sexual abuse, by her own mother stating it would tamper the family reputation & bring shame to her as well thereby affecting her future. So, would her silence bring peace? Would she be able to look into her eyes? What about the person who tried to abuse her? Wouldn’t he take advantage of this and try again with her or someone else too?

Note: Both the incidents are true events. But name & place not mentioned to respect the brave woman’s privacy & silence which they have chosen and trying to move on.

Men in Red - UK

My husband & his brother (Mithu) are diehard fans of Manchester United Club. It was their long time wish to be at Old Trafford for a match. They have been planning it since long. Since we (Me & Dillu) have been to UK already 3 years back, we wanted to explore some other place which can be clubbed with this trip. We went to Turkey from Cochin & then flew to UK (Heathrow). 

Day 1            Heathrow Airport -> Victoria Coach Station              15 miles, 1 hr 12 min                                    Victoria Coach Station -> Manchester                       210 miles, 4 hrs        

Reached Heathrow around noon. From Heathrow we went by train to Victoria Coach station. Mithu had reached in London a couple of days before and he was exploring London while we were busy touring in Turkey. He also joined us at Victoria Coach Station. Our National Express Coach to Manchester was from Victoria. So together we started our journey from there. 

Day 2                             Manchester-> Liverpool                                     35 miles, 1 hr

Since it was an overnight journey, we took a longer rest and had a light breakfast. We got fresh and left for Liverpool by train. We had lunch and then went to Liverpool Cathedral, which is the Britain’s biggest Cathedral. The ceiling work & stained-glass work are spectacular. It took 1-2 hours exploring & admiring the art works. By then it had started to drizzle. The storm Hannah brought strong winds to England & Wales. The wind was so heavy that we decided to stay inside the church itself until the taxi arrived which came about quite late than the normal due to the storm. We stepped out and Dillu started to walk fast as he was the one who had booked the taxi. Mithu & I followed him at a fair distance. The winds were blowing hard and it was pushing us backward. I was struggling to move towards the taxi which was some 200 meters away. Mithu got hold of a chain which was put around a central piece of garden. He asked me to catch that chain as well because he was not able to reach me. We both were being pushed strongly by the wind. Dillu had reached by the side of the church complex by then because of which he did not know the impact of the winds blowing or rather he was strong enough. 😏

Our next stop was at The Beatles Story Exhibition/Museum. It was just 20 minutes’ walk from Cathedral. But because of the adverse weather, it was not advisable to walk. It is a must visit for a Beatles fan though I am not. The Beatles Story takes the visitor through the story of the Beatles using mocked-up scenes and displays whereas, the Magical Beatles Museum houses many authentic items, including letters, bits of film, clothing, instruments, and many personal items. Meanwhile we got busy at times with our respective phones trying to get the tickets for the match. It took around 3 hours to complete the visit. We headed back to our hotel and spoke to the owner regarding the ticket as well. He said he will also try for the tickets. By the time, we changed & came back he said our entry tickets for the match were confirmed. Finally, with a light mind, we headed for dinner at princess street in Manchester. Since it was a Saturday night, it was bit crowded as well. And then we returned back soon for a sound sleep because we (P.S. they) had a big day to follow. 

Day 3                                  Live Match Day!!!   GLORY GLORY MAN UTD

For me it was a normal day. But for 2 people with me (Dillu & Mithu), it was a great exciting day ahead. They were exhilarated. This was the main reason behind, for the entire UK trip. We thought we would have a brunch and then head towards the stadium. The restaurant was not crowded, but food was too yummy. While we were enjoying our meal, a scuffle broke out. The person was sloshed and timely intervention of people in charge of restaurant, evaded jeopardy.

Both dressed up in Man Utd jerseys(coincidentally my jacket was also red) and after lunch we proceeded to OLD TRAFFORD. The match was supposed to start at 4.30 PM. But we arrived around 2.00 PM. A little while later, we saw 2 bus arriving and players started to get off from the bus. People around us were shouting & screaming, calling out players names and receiving them with claps. They waved at us and entered the stadium after which we too entered the stadium which took around 15-20 minutes to settle. I was a fan of David De Gea those days. 😉

Me & Dillu were seated together & Mithu got some corner seat, a bit far from us. I wish these people got seat together so that I could have recorded them. The match kicked off at 4.30 PM. I was not at all interested in match even a bit. Instead, was watching Dillu’s expression throughout. But the environment around brought some kind of energy in me as well. The fans were busy singing aloud “Glory Glory Man United” and other slogans to cheer up the players. This altogether had put me in some another world. In the 11’th minute a goal came out from Mata which was a happy moment for the man united fans which made them to sing even more louder. I could hardly see the ball and the players. Occasional Uffs could also be heard. There were people at some corners banging their heads, hitting their fists etc. There was tension in the atmosphere. Finally in the 43’rd minute a goal from Chelsea turned everything upside down for Manchester fans. During half time, Mithu & Dillu were discussing about how Manchester missed the goal and what not. I felt as if why don’t these guys get down & play if things seemed to be so easier. 😐

During second half other than for some substitutes and few yellow cards, nothing much happened. The match ended up in a draw. Final score 1 -1. It took 15-20 minutes to get out of the stadium. We took some snaps standing in front of OLD TRAFFORD. The Manchester Piccadilly is the nearest station to OLD TRAFFORD which was 1.4 miles away & took only 6 min. Those 6 minutes, we were not walking alone, it was the people who came for viewing the match all around us. At the station we waited for 3 trains to leave so that we could get some space for us to place at least one leg. But we realised it was just waste of time as more people came in when one train left. So finally, we boarded the 4’th train and went to city centre. The city centre was not busy as it was the previous day and so we had a peaceful time. These guys were still busy discussing about the match and I felt like I did not belong to this group.

Day 4          Manchester -> Drumlanrig Castle               172 miles, 3 hr 10 min                                    

Next day morning Mithu had stadium tour at Old Trafford. It takes around 90 minutes to complete this tour which me & Dillu had completed during our last visit to UK. During this tour we can see all the important timelines of the team on the wall, visit the player dressing room, press meet room, and finally a chance to emerge from the tunnel where players usually come for the match. They make us to stand in two lines just like the players & play the music at the background which gives you the actual feeling of stepping into the ground for the play. This stadium tour is not scheduled on match days.

I got goosebumps at that special moment. Imagine what a juncture it would be for a true fan!!!

Meanwhile me & Dillu went to the Airport from where we had to pick up our car for the rest of the journey. We vacated our rooms & collected our baggage and then went straight to Old Trafford where Mithu was waiting after his stadium tour along with souvenir he had bought. He was on cloud nine after previous day match & the stadium tour. These guys again were busy discussing about their club & players. It took quite some time for them to focus on our upcoming itinerary & destination. 

We followed the instruction of the lady from the google maps & finally reached some place where we could not find any signs of castle. Me & mithu got down thinking it might be somewhere nearby asking Dillu to park the car & follow us. We started walking while Dillu got help from a lady who was feeding her cattle. From her, he came to know we still had 2 kms to reach the castle. By then we had walked quite a distance while Dillu came by car & we again got into the car and in 5 minutes arrived at the destination.

Drumlanrig Castle is the Dumfriesshire home of the 10th Duke of Buccleuch & Queensberry and is one of Scotland's finest examples of 17th-century Renaissance architecture. There were hardly few people. You can call it Hawa Mahal of Scotland because of its similar shade. The gardens are looked after well and it was a pleasant walk around.  After few clicks, we headed to Aviemore, which was our place of stay for that night.

                              Drumlanrig Castle -> Aviemore                    189 miles, 3 hr 24 min

The drive to Aviemore was enchanting. We had to pass through Cairngorms National Park. Both the sides of the roads were Caledonian forests. It was magical. We saw very few vehicles on the road. We reached Aviemore around 5 PM. Aviemore was a peaceful town with very less population. After checking in to the rooms & unpacking our baggage we stepped out to explore the locality. We decided to have dinner from a nearby restaurant which showed us on google. But there was a railway track which we had to cross to reach the restaurant. The overbridge was far from us and we had to walk almost 1 km just to get that overbridge. There were hardly any people or vehicle on the road. There was an underpass also which was closer to our place of stay, which we discovered only on our way back. 😉 Once it was dark, the place seemed like a scene from a horror movie. But we enjoyed our togetherness and calmness that surrounded us.

The main door of our hotel would be closed in the evening. We should operate it ourself with a plastic card given (which is the key) and a 4-digit pin (changes daily). The process was explained to us while checking in. Now it was time for action. Each of us were trying and the door was not opening. Each time, the pin was entered, a blue light blinked. Seeing the blue light, I kept arguing, it is because we were entering the wrong pin. The door will open, only when green light appeared. We 3 operated it turn by turn. It was pitch black and we were wondering how to enter inside as nobody showed up in the main area as well so that we could seek help. Finally, something struck in Dillus head. He repeated the same process and then turned the door handle which wide opened the door. We wasted almost 15 minutes doing the same process, but none of us turned the door handle. How will the door open then?

This incident still brings a smile on my face whenever I recall this. And whenever the topic of discussion becomes UK trip, we mention this & laugh at our stupidity.

Day 5          Aviemore -> Dunrobin Castle                            81.2 miles, 1 hr 37 min  

After breakfast, we headed to Dunrobin Castle. The drive to this castle was scenic. Even if one does not want to visit these historic monuments, just the drive through Scottish roads is mesmeric. There were many whisky distilleries on the way.

Dunrobin Castle is a stately home in Sutherland, in the Highland area of Scotland, as well as the family seat of the Earl of Sutherland and the Clan Sutherland. It is a beautiful castle & well-maintained garden facing the sea. After a 2-hour tour & handful of memories captured, we left the place to next destination. 

                    Dunrobin Castle -> Glenfiddich Distillery          110 miles, 2 hr 16 min                                  Glenfiddich Distillery -> Carlisle                            263 miles, 4 hr 38 min

Glenfiddich distillery is a Speyside single malt Scotch whisky distillery owned by William Grant & Sons in the Scottish burgh of Dufftown in Moray. It is one of the few family-owned distilleries left in Scotland. The name Glenfiddich derives from the Scottish Gaelic Gleann Fhiodhaich meaning "valley of the deer", which is reflected in Glenfiddich's stag logo. Most of the distilleries are located near a creek or streamlet which would be the primary source of water. The tour guide provided clear introduction of the whisky making process from malting to casting, marrying & bottling. The tour begins with a video presentation which describes the process of distillation, history of distillery and all the timelines. The tour ended with tasting of 4 types whisky 12-, 15-, 18- & 21-year single malt scotch whisky. We had been for Glenkinchie distillery as well during our last visit to UK. Hence, we knew the whisky making process well. Next day we had flight to Cochin. Therefore, after distillery tour, we headed to Carlisle which was halfway to the airport.

Day 6                                       Carlisle -> Manchester                    125 miles, 2 hr 5 min

Next day we got up early and started our return journey from Manchester Airport. Our flight was to Chennai. On reaching Chennai it was breakfast time and we all were damn hungry. We went to food court and ordered 2 plates of dosas and one plate of idly. But it was just beginning. We kept on ordering as though we were starving in the whole trip. That is when we really came to know how much ever we like pizza, burger and how much ever good it is prepared, ultimately the cuisine which you grew up with would be the world’s best food. Finally, it was time to return to our respective homes. Mithu left to Bangalore and we came back to Cochin.